Happiness in your own skin

I had a dream and that dream was to live as fertile as I could. That did not mean being a virgin of sorts but to live my life as practical as can be. Seeing what was out there was intimidating but also a point of civilization where one’s own skin could be shed. It was letting myself be known and allowing a heart to be heard, sorting out one’s troubles was needed. This was also a point in my life where I was not in touch with my brother. This was due to a number of factors, but I had to let that go. I had to stand up and allow my past to be left alone. 

This was troubling for a number of years but allowing the past to be recognized was more important than belittling what happened. Blaming one person for a communication breakdown has no point. Allowing each side to be heard is an important step, the main thing is having time to reflect on your own behavior. This is what caused an upheaval and allowed the sarcasm and vitriol to come out. We were not there to hear him; we were not there to let the unspoken words be heard. We had to allow the universe to bring what was needed out in the open. There are times where I wanted that family bonding to never leave my side. Blood relatives are important but knowing when it is not compatible, why choose the bond.

Living in one’s pockets and not cherishing the moments is not what I wanted. Having space from family can make you stronger, it can make times where you did not want to be there an important factor. Allowing time and space to evolve brings out another chapter where the unknown is present. That did not mean that I did not love him, it meant that the past held deep resentment that could not be resolved and allowing for that was a factor for myself to see. Every family has issues, every family wants to look perfect. Smiling for the cameras and allowing the happiness to repulse at any moment, when the unpleasantries were being flung around for all to see. 

Holding on to resentment and ties is not the most important thing. It is allowing the family member to flourish at their own time to own their own saviour when needed, to hold their heads up when the time is right. Sending love to that person will always be something I will take to my grave, allowing the signals of ones thought process to be altered will never happen. Dreaming is important and being is more important in the journeys of life, allowing the aeration of time to manifest is when the soul will be relinquished from the suffering of one’s journey. I hold a deep bond for happiness and joy to fill my brother but allowing the sense of freedom in his life now is where he needs to be. 

 Jacqui Ray
Melbourne, Australia
+61 433 281 441



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