THE Life Before



The sound came pouring out of me as I held on for dear life. The screams could be heard all around as I tried to let go of the fear. The rollercoaster was taking me up and down the windy tracks and I was terrified. I was hoping I could make the ride without throwing up. I laugh now but at the time I was sitting next to my sons’ friend and I had blood coming from my cold sore. I held on and tried to not make a spectacle of myself. That was my calling card, not wanting people to hear me. Being worried about how I would be judged. So, what if I got off a ride looking like a spectacle. Would people remember me after that day? No, they would keep going on with their own days and not really remember the demented woman clinging onto a child for safety. 

I look at the old me, I look at how far I have come. I see my reflection sometimes and know this was meant to be. I had jobs at the time I thought were not meant to be part of who I was, I now realize it helped me with life skills and need for survival. I have worked at a camping store where I sold knives, backpacks and camping gear. That is where I met my friend Carmen who became my spiritual advisor. That area of my life is where I was being prepared for the next chapter in life. 

I had a fascination for the tree of life symbol and I never knew why. I used to put that symbol on my work philosophy, that was my mantra. The tree of life now represents the calling card of whom I am. It represents a symbol of a fresh start on life, positive energy, good health and a bright future. As a symbol of immortality, a tree grows old, yet it bears seeds that contain its very essence and the tree becomes immortal and a symbol of growth and strength.  I had been climbing a mountain most of my life. That was not to say it was bad, it was a challenge I was in without ever knowing it. I was climbing to the top and I still have not reached the pinnacle of my life. 

No one ever knows where life will lead us to. Is this meant to be my calling? Are the life lessons and experiences that I have gone through, the pinnacles of my life? Those lessons have got me to where I am today. Patience is what I am waiting for and I am still learning that lesson. Hold on to what is around you as you never know when it will end. It will be a new chapter to prepare for on all levels and when the time comes, your loved ones will be there waiting at the door with open arms and another dimension to look forward to. 


Jacqui Ray
Luminous Wisdom: SOPHIA, Sibella Publications
www.growthhealing.com.au

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