The World is my oyster.


The hummingbird makes my spirit want to jump out of me. I see a fixture that glides over the water when at peace with myself, the water parades itself for all to see. I have a hunch that today shows a brighter side with the mammoth task at hand, that is to rebalance myself. Rebalancing the waves that wash over me, that makes me a better person. I try to harness the freshness that comes out of the linen sheets, the smell that protrudes from the laundry room when on a nice spring day. I want to rebirth myself in all that splendour from the younger years. The fresh linen that would smell so inconsolably like home, the one where I felt at ease. 

That is my future, to make me the strong one where I can call a spade a spade and know that life has other things in store. Looking back, I can see that I made a lasting impression on some people. Some for good, others a way that is less favourable. I wake up in sweats sometimes reliving the moments in my teens that were incoherently not good. The times that paraded me around like the fool, the young years that harnessed selfishness and foolishness beyond a level I can comprehend. The taste of those years is inching out of my memories. I wonder why my brain has to tell me about those times. I wonder why life brings me back to those moments I want to forget. 

 

I have a hunch that it’s one of those life lessons where I have to allow myself to know that those time were the ones that made me the strong woman I am today. I watch my life flash by me, the one that makes me who I am. Do I know what I want to do with myself, not yet? I still sit here contemplating my next move. We all grow up in a special home that makes us who we are. I know I don’t take things for granted anymore. The softly spoken women is not me, the loud gregarious woman is me. The one that can be heard a mile away but knowing that takes time to comprehend and knowing that it is ok to be that person. 

 

The truth be told I don’t want to be that whimpering wall flower on the side of the room. My colleague told me the other day that no one is perfect. She is right and instead of trying to hide my faults, I allow them to open and express them in a way where I can improve and move forward. My future is bright, my time of self-pity is no longer here. I have a hunch that the times now are leaning towards self-discovery on a deeper level. I may be a middle-aged woman who has a history of looking after everyone else but now I am going to shine brightly, for the world is my oyster. 


By Jacqui Ray

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